I am feeling inspired.

It is time - it is about time - I acquired a new keyboard for myself. And new paint brushes. And perhaps organize a little bit, both the physical space around me and the mental chaos rattling around inside my skin-suit.

Today I will

last glaze on masturbationFAIL fixed ♥
arm/hands/couch/curtain/ashtray on couch
dress pattern/body/sky and trees/deepen face on death
arm/hand/deepen wood paneling/better light and shadows on steps for staircase
another coat on move-in

Waking up is not worth going to sleep for. ):

Tonight, I decided to hell with worrying about work tomorrow. I don't know how much sleep I'll get, but I don't care. I have work to do here, now, that is important. I have illustrations to make, scenes to create, emotions to translate into visual imagery. And I've been slacking on that, because of work. I've been tired, and exhausted, and frustrated, working part-time while going to school full-time as a studio artist. If you don't know how that goes, it requires a lot of fucking work. I've been behind in everything, rushing to catch up, and I hate it. I have one day off a week, I barely get to see my boyfriend, I ignore my friends half the time because I just want to be still and quiet. I never get enough sleep even when I'm getting too much!

I've had it, man. Tonight? I'm gonna kick back with a few gallons of coffee, and I'm just gonna draw. I'm not going to worry about forcing a scene to happen, I'm just going to draw my reactions, the emotional content of the image, rather than a finished composition. It's for my thesis, with my favorite professor, and he's about ready to strangle me since I'm two weeks behind in my work and keep coming in late or missing class entirely. I don't blame him, I'm about ready to strangle myself! But I've been trying to shove this thesis on like a shoe two sizes too small - it's just not going to work, girl.

So now I'm gonna relax, and I'm gonna get to work. I'm gonna go until I'm done, and to hell with everything else.

ONCE MORE, CLASS IS IN SESSION.

What this means: time to fight for my life!!

My laptop, for perhaps this day only!, has decided to resurrect itself.

Awesome.

Since it's functioning, I desperately want to use it as an excuse to get some writing done! However, the keys are still sticky, and driving me slightly insane. The damned space key takes a stab and a jab to work - though it appears to be loosening up some as I type more! If my laptop charger decides to keep functioning I'll buy one of those cheap rubber keyboards we sell at work in a few days.

It would be wonderful to have my own computer again. (: Having to share one that doesn't belong to me wrecks hell on my mood to write. It always feels like I'm stealing time, and I get a little guilty-like about it!

C'mon, self. You can do it! ♥

Oh, James Taylor. The way you put futility into perspective for me. ♥

You know, I keep saying to people "I'm quitting!" and they keep saying "Oh no! Don't quit! You're almost there!"

And then I go "....I..I'm trying to quit smoking."

Pffffft.

Work is good, :D I like working! It feels good to have a job and be making money and helping people. It's all customer service, my job. I'm a bridal consultant at Bed Bath and Beyond, and I help people buy gifts and pick out what they want everyone to buy. I'm no expert yet, since I just started, but mannnn am I gonna know everything there is to know about house stuff when I'm done haha! ♥

In the meantime, I'm gonna spend my day off trying NOT to fail my classes!